הִנְנִ֨י מַמְטִ֥יר לָכֶ֛ם לֶ֖חֶם מִן־הַשָּׁמָ֑יִם

Greetings from Pak Bang, Laos! I crossed the border from Thailand early this morning, and spent the day on a “slow boat”, floating down the Mekong River. Tomorrow I get back on the boat, and continue to Luang Prabaang, where I will base myself for most of the week. So far the biggest difference between Thailand and Laos: BREAD. Yes, I know, colonialism is bad, but I’m still really looking forward to a croissant tomorrow morning. Thanks France!

On the ride back from the elephant sanctuary last Monday, Chi, our mahout (elephant trainer), mentioned that he was friends with a guide, and could get us a really good deal for a two-day trek. Lizzy, the other American on the overnight elephant trip, and I were both interested. I naively assumed that since our elephant sanctuary was firmly opposed to elephant riding, that the recommended guide would be similarly opposed, and not subject us to the stereotypical elephant riding/gawking at long-necked Karan people/river rafting experience. Well, I was wrong. In his defense, Chi did warn us that there would be elephant riding, and that we should simply not participate.

On the plus side, the hike was incredibly intense, and exactly what I was looking for. The views from the Lahoi village at the top of the mountain were awe-inspiring and vivid. The downside can be summarized by four words: three bro-y Spanish dudes (TBSD). TBSD bring beer on their elephant ride. TBSD carry beer with them on the 2.5 hour uphill hike to Lahoi village, drinking the whole way. TBSD also carry an inflatable beanbag chair, and their own personal supply of extra rice and fried chicken. On arrival at the Lahoi village, TBSD sit on their beanbag chair, drink their fresh beer (acquired from the soft drink tank on the porch), and blast music, disturbing the tranquility that some of us were anticipating. When Lahoi guy comes around selling crafts and cigarettes, TBSD asks if the cigarettes are opium. When TBSD are informed that the cigars are merely tobacco, Lahoi guy goes to get some opium to sell them. On Wednesday morning, TBSD start drinking at 7:30 AM. On the “white water” rafting trip (not really white water), TBSD opt to take off the helmets that they were given. Ringleader of TBSD decides not to paddle, but to play with his camera during the trip, and ignore the raft guide’s directions. After we get stuck on a rock forthe third time that we get stuck on a rock, I resist the urge to dunk TBSD’s camera in the river. When TBSD sees a raft full of women that they are attracted to, they find it appropriate to grab onto the raft, pulling it towards us. Also, at this point TBSD is out of beer, so he makes a point of begging every riverside camp that we pass to chuck him a fresh bottle of Chiang. When we transfer to the bamboo raft, TBSD ringleader decides that he’s the captain of the boat, which involves running up and down the bamboo raft. Obviously, this involves him falling onto my hand.

…Broskys

On returning to Chiang Mai following the trek, I headed to the Chiang Mai bus station in the hopes of catching the last bus to Chiang Rai, only to learn that the 8 PM bus only runs on weekends, and my best bet is the 7 AM bus the following day. No problem, I find a cheap hotel near the bus station, and happen upon a mall next to the bus station. Strangely, the mall is decorated with a British decour: strings of Union Jack banners, multiple red phone booths, quotes on the stairs attributed to Irene Adler and Sherlock Houmes [sic], and a statue of a Buckingham Palace guard. Haven’t figured that one out yet.

I arrived in Chiang Rai Thursday early afternoonish. Since I had been less than impressed with my group trek earlier in the week, I opted to splurge for a private trek on Friday. My guide, Pracit, was much better than the previous guide (for one: he actually talked to me). I got to see rice paddies, fields of pineapple, papaya trees, teak trees, and a newly birthed calf (the owner had plans to eat the placenta). Pracit cooked my lunch of eggs, onion and herbs in a hunk of freshly chopped bamboo tree. The hike wasn’t as intense as my Tuesday-Wednesday hike had been, but overall a much more pleasant experience.

Just before Shabbat, I noticed that my guesthouse had a sign advertising a 2-hour Thai massage in your hotel room. One advance payment later, and I had the best oneg Shabbat plan ever. Truth be told, I’m not a huge Thai massage fan, and didn’t feel the instant relaxation that I usually feel after a Swedish massage, but it was still a fun experience.

On Saturday night, I checked out the Chiang Rai night market. Pretty standard stuff, including a number where several young Thai women dressed in what look like prom dresses and tiaras parade around, lipsyncing to a Thai song. Also, I discovered that Israelis vouch for Thai massage parlors by writing notes in Hebrew complimenting said business, that are then prominently posted in said-massage parlor’s window. I was really hoping that at least one of the six notes in the window would say something like DON’T GO HERE, with the expectation that the owners wouldn’t know what it said, but no such luck.

*Title comes from Exodus 16:14 (last week’s parasha!) “I will rain down bread for you from the sky”